When a child comes into your life, you have a new priority. It is no longer just the two of you. Now you have this little helpless baby that takes up all of your time and energy. Spit-up, dirty diapers, and a messy house surround you, all while a baby is crying, sleeping on you, and/or sucking on your boob. You need the support from your spouse, and they need it from you. Keeping the love alive after kids is so critical to your relationship, especially when 40-50% of marriages end in divorce. Here are our 7 tips to keeping our love alive.
Getting a night out without the kids is really hard! But for the sake of your marriage…DO IT! Even if its once a month. Find a babysitter you like, plan it for the 3rd Friday of the month if you have to, and get out! If money allows trying something new everytime. If not that’s ok too. Go for a picnic or find something free in the community.
Remember…like you use to do when you first met??? Flirting is one of the top things that keep the spark going and those butterflies in your stomach. Some ways that I like to flirt with Taylor has put a sexy note into his lunch box so he will see it at work, or every time I walk behind him I grab him but. One way that Taylor flirts with me is if I’m preoccupied with dishes or something he will grab me, push me up against the wall, and passionately kisses me…so hot.
I learned well before I was married that in marriage it isn’t 50/50, it’s 100/100. Both you and your spouse need give it all you’ve got. Competition and jealousy between you and your spouse are just stupid! There is no need for it and you don’t want even a sliver of it in there. Only something bad can come from it. Don’t try to think of your self as the better parent or think well I’ve taken care of the kids for 5 hours today so it’s your turn. You are both in this together, on the same team, through thick and thin.
Do the DIRTY…plain and simple. Learn how to spice things up in the bedroom if you have to. There is this special bond that is created between you two when you make love together. If you don’t keep that up, then things will get in between you that doesn’t belong there. When you have kids it can get pretty tricky, because a toddler might walk in on you or be interrupted by a babies cry. You and your partner need to get clever, but that doesn’t mean you guys have to stop.
Have Interest Together
Find something that you two can do together and look forward to doing. Taylor and I love to workout together; it’s like a date for us. It gives us something to look forward to during the day and we can encourage and push each other. Other things we like to do are playing video games and watch TV shows. Find what you two love to do together.
Kids Out of the Bed
When our kids are newborns we co sleep with them on our chest but once our kids get to be about 2 months old we have them sleep in a bassinet next to our bed. When our kids reached about 5 months old we put them in another room. For Lincoln, we would roll his bed out into the living room every night and for Juliet, we put her in Lincoln’s room. Honestly, once our kids got out of our room we started sleeping better and our kids started sleeping better. But this allows us to have our own time. We can hold each other at night without a kid in-between us. We can have pillow talk, watch a movie in bed…anything.
Say “I Love You”
There are 3 times when you always need to say “I Love You,” before going to bed, before leaving each other, and hanging up the phone. In reality, you never know if this will be the last good by, so why not say it with an “I love you?” I also like to slip it in there when he least’s expects it, especially if I can see the frustration on his face. Just as much as you like to hear it, so do they.